Nicolas Cage vs. The World – Level 4

The streets leading away from the coffee shop were abandoned as our hero moved forward, drifting aimlessly and allowing his feet to propel him towards his next conflict. Soon enough, he found himself facing standing before a large warehouse with a small guard booth positioned beside a nondescript steel door. As Cage made his way towards the booth, he found he was slightly more relaxed than before. When he stopped to think about it, he realized that someone had to give him instructions before each fight, so it would be a while before he’d have to throw down right away. With these comforting thoughts, our hero let some swagger seep into his stroll as he reached the guard booth.

“Hi I’m Nicolas Cage. You might remember me from such hits as National Treasure and Leaving Las Vegas. I’m wondering if you can let me in?” he said, with a smile before his eyes widened at the sight before him. Sitting in the booth was none other than Tommy Lee Jones, looking bored out of his mind. “Yeah Slick, go on in. Do me a favor and get rid of that muscle-bound idiot so I can get out of here.” Jones muttered as he opened the door. “Wait, how did you get roped into this?” Cage asked as he stepped through the door. “You make one appearance as ridiculous villain and you apparently get pulled into these schemes.” he replied before returning to his crossword puzzle, while pointing to the front door of the warehouse. Taking a moment to cement his resolve and having an idea who the next combatant was, he steadily made his way inside.

The lights were flickering as he entered a rather narrow corridor. With utmost care, Cage made his way to an intersection, with 3 doors, with unique posters pined to them. The poster to his left showed a police officer in a red filter with the line “Target Acquired” across his chest while the one to his right showed an image of a large sword and a twisted tree alone in a field. The most interesting door however was the one straight ahead that simply asked “What killed the dinosaurs?” Confused, Cage mumbled that it was the meteor that left the crater over in Mexico, when a booming voice roared out. “WRONG! IT WAS, THE ICE AGE!” as each door flew open, revealing 3 variants of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Cage took a step back and began to wonder just how he could take out Conan the Barbarian, The T-800 and Mr. Freeze himself.

As he panicked, he felt his coat pocket begin to heat up. Reaching in, he pulled out the trophies from his previous fights and watched as two of them began to morph into the Ghost Rider and Big Daddy, leaving Cage with a smile on his face. While the Arnold variants started in confusion, the Rider rushed Conan and growled as he gripped him tight. “Look into my eyes. Your movies are stained with the rage of film viewers. Feel their pain” as Conan began to scream and aged into dust. As everyone stared in shock, Big Daddy took the moment to fire an RPG at the T-800, launching it back through its door before detonating. As the last standing Arnold stared at them in shock, they walked forward with Big Daddy pulled out a Shotgun and Ghost Rider breathing embers of fire.

Recovering quickly, Arnold fired his freeze gun, leaving both the Rider and Big Daddy trapped in a layer of ice. As he leveled the gun towards Cage, he couldn’t resist the chance to gloat. “You’re so scared, you’re frozen to the spot. Your chances of winning that Oscar have just gone subzero.” As Cage clenched his fists and muttered to himself, Arnold tilted his head before continuing to gloat. “What was that? Did you ask for mercy? Well unfortunately, not having any Oscars of my own has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.” Looking up, with what could only be described as insanity in his eyes, Cage spoke in an unhinged voice. “Mercy? I’m sorry did you say mercy? Because we’re all out of that. You know what we’ve got instead? Heat. And you know what they say. If you can’t stand the heat, you should have stayed in the freezer. NOW!” roared Cage, as the Rider broke free from his prison and began to roast Arnold in a stream of fire.

As the fire died and the ashes floated away, the Rider and Big Daddy turned back into their trophies as Cage looked down and found a miniature Turbo Man action figure. As Cage smiled and couldn’t help but noticed that when he shook it, it seemed to jingle. All the way to the door, Cage continued to swing it back and forth before placing it in his pocket. Secure in the knowledge that these trinkets would help him if he got in over his head, our hero strode through the door with absolute confidence.

What new enemies lurk in Level 5 for our hero? Our hero will need his wits about him because may find that his enemy has brought a little friend to the fight.

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